New Year Scaries.

Big celebrations are scary. There's bound to be someone crying somewhere. Our reason for pain ranges from feeling forgotten on our birthday, a disillusionment with our ability to accomplish what we said we would in the last New Year's Day, to mindless consumptions on Christmas that distract us from the rotten relationship dynamics, fake smiles, broken promises... So many things could go wrong.

But let's be clear, it is not the holidays that are cursed with disappointments, it is us who are cursed with humanly expectations. Closeted inside those expectations are the yearning to love and feel loved, to be needed and safe in the world. Such fundamental needs are like the hot matter that flows within Earth which we call magma. And holidays' outbursts are like volcano eruptions - they are natural ruptures that reveal the boiling substance deep within.

This New Year has erupted many vulnerabilities in me as I am away from home and suddenly attacked by wounding memories of loneliness. But even amid the ugliest weeping, what I can declare with certainty is that love has saved me, that love is what heals and continually carries me forward. I can attest without hesitation that each of us is loved beyond our comprehension and that such love will keep us safe.

If only we/I just ask, just take a leap forward, just be the one who professes love first, or open our/my eyes to the possibility, then we/I will realize beyond all doubts and hatred that we/I are unconditionally more loved than we/I ever know.