The public gaze.

We usually jump out of one binary just to jump into another.

For example, transgender people often feel forced to self-express in extreme gender conforming ways. A transgender girl, who was assigned male at birth, is more likely to play princesses, use lipsticks, and wear pink, all of which are society's gender norms. (excellent article that explains gender identity)

Although being transgender is inherently nonconforming, there is more pressure on transpeople to explicitly show that they belong to their desired gender in order to be accepted. This tendency is systemic; e.g. to be approved for cross-sex hormone therapy, transpeople have to prove to the medical experts that they truly feel like the sex of their choice.

Having to prove ourself to an other puts us in the headspace of constant self-control and management. The decision to speak up or not speak up, in what manner, what clothes, what hairstyle, what body gestures etc. requires exhaustive mental exertion. Each daily choice feels existential because it may affect the judgment whether one belongs or not.

No person should feel obligated to micromanage themselves so much. It robs us of the freedom to simply be.

But we play with this irony all the time. Why do we create a panopticon prison for each other? We have expectations of what a teacher, a monk, a partner would act like. But who we are when love is what it wants to be? (🎵)