Saying NO as the default
... and only turning the green light on for things that are HELL YES!! is how we can live in alignment and peace.
Mindfulness, ultimately, is about saying no to distractions. Everything else is noise. Our focus is therefore reserved for the person, the action, the practice in front of us.
When we say no in our heart and our mind, we don't tempt with the what-ifs, the alternative lives, the infinite universes and gazillion different steps that we could have taken. We must live with the conviction that this is the life I lead, this is the person(s) I love, this is the mission I choose and free ourselves from the tyranny of limitless options.
It takes a courageous commitment on LOVE (for some things) to say NO (to other things). Saying no is the tool for clarity and the path to cultivate deep love.
(re)sources
Most of us feel bad for saying no. We have a hard time doing so partly because that's socially coined with being "difficult, distant, disagreeable". So here are some more resources that offer another narrative to encourage us do so!
- The power of No, explained from an economist POV (Tim Harford):
Being quick to help is not kindness, it is discounting honest happiness with “a brief glow of immediate gratitude, heedless of the later cost.” Because “every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time.”
- A comprehensive essay on saying no (James Clear):
“When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. When you say yes, you are saying no to every other option. [...] No is a decision. Yes is a responsibility.”
- Steve Jobs on lousy management and focus (talk):
“When you think about focusing, you think it's about saying yes. Well, no. Focusing is about saying no. You’ve got to say ‘no, no, no’ and when you say ‘no,’ you piss off people.”
- “What you don’t do determines what you can do” and 9 habits to stop doing (Tim Ferriss's blog)
- The either Hell Yeah! or No attitude (Derek Siver's audio)
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